Monday, January 12, 2009
I have a lot of different topics running through my head today and really want to post about peace. When Monkey and Red were about 16 months old I started getting the itch for another baby. I really desired to have more kids. When I would hear someone was pregnant I would think I wish it was me. Well Peanut is almost 16 months old and you know what? I have no itch or desire to have another baby. I am so at peace with her being the baby and that my body will never again inhabit a growing baby. I came to the realization of this fact over the weekend when I looked at her and thought, "she is getting big and really isn't a baby anymore." She has started talking more and communicates with us all, no more baby-ness, well maybe a little! I was sad but it wasn't an overwhelming saddness. I am surrounded by pregnant people in our church there are 4 women my age pregnant and then I know a few more at school. I am so happy for them and I *can't* wait to hold their babies but I don't want one. This is an amazing feeling to have peace about our family. I have peace in my fears as a mother...am I doing a good job, do they know I love them, will I get to see them get married and have children and so on. I have peace because I know the one who is control of everything. He knows what tomorrow brings, even if I don't. I take peace in that even if it is heartache for us, because I know we aren't exempt from pain. I have peace in our financial state and J's job security. God has blessed us with a house (even if I think it is too small), food, clothing and extra money to be able to do fun things like a trip to Disney. I think of a blog I started reading about the husband not having a job and they have no home and they have 4 kids. Would I be able to find peace in that situation? I would like to think yes, but I really don't know and I really would not like to find out. Not saying that I don't ever feel overwhelmed because I do, case in point Monkey's allergy. When I started reading all the stuff that needed to be done I was majorly overwhelmed but God gave me the strength, wisdom and peace to do the important things in the house to help him and you know what? It is helping! If your spirit isn't at peace then I would love to talk to you and help you get to that peace that only comes from knowing God and having a personally relationship with Him.