Shocking sadness

For Red's first birthday GG and Monkey picked out a gold fish as their present to him. Red named him "fishy" what else would you expect from a one year old? Well today fishy breathed his last breath. 2 years and 2 months later he is no longer apart of our family. I didn't expect to be so sad at this fish being gone, but I am. It doesn't help that all the kids are really upset, especially Red as this was his pet that he would feed and watch. We haven't decided how we are going to handle the disposal of him yet but I'm really not looking forward to it. We've never had a fish last this long before.

Just a side note this just makes today so much worse then it all ready was. I took the kids grocery shopping again today. I only did this because if we didn't then we wouldn't be able to eat lunch. It was a catch 22. They did ok for the most part but there was some harsh words from me if they didn't act right, which quickly made them straighten up. I don't like being that mom, but I feel like it is a vicious cycle. They don't listen or behave unless I am mean mom. This new schedule is proving to be a harder one for me. I really need to get into my grove with it. J has been great and letting me get out at least once a week for some girl/adult time. It is the unpredictable-ness of kids that is the hardest. Like the other day when Red while sitting on the potty pooping decided that he was going to put both his hands in his butt. I knew he was pooping and told him to tell me when he was done. Yet when he tells me he is done I am greeted with poopy hands. Oh how I scrubbed and scrubbed those hands and I just couldn't get that smell off of them. I don't think he will do that again, at least I can hope he learned a valuable lesson there. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.

Sadness

I sit here completely heart broken and sad and every other emotion possible. Today started like every other day I check my email. I got an email from church, this is not uncommon as they give us updated prayer request. I was working in the nursery Sunday morning so I didn't hear that one of our missionaries was in the hospital with pneumonia. When I checked my email I got the details that I missed Sunday morning. This missionary and his wife are my age with a little girl a little younger than Red. They got married in our church and his wife was in our Sunday School class. The two older kids know who they are and remember them before they went out into the mission field a few years ago. All morning long I have been praying for this man and his family. My mom-in-law called a little while ago, it has taken me some time to process this all, saying that he is gone. That was really hard to type. HE. IS. GONE? He isn't even 30 years old. He was doing the work of God. Needless to say I am really struggling right now to understand all of this. I know that God is in control and that nothing happens that He isn't aware of but I just don't understand the WHY of it. This young wife and mother is going to need lots of pray in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. Please keep them in your prayers.

Blogger and other stuff

So I finally made the switch to the NEW blogger. I don't really know if I like it because it doesn't have any of my archives. Maybe I have to do something to make them visible. I'll have to fiddle with it.

For the most part I am a pretty private person especially when it comes to my feels and emotions...at least on my blog I am. Well a friend of my just lost her baby yesterday (she is another blogger) and then another friend lost her baby today. It just opened the scar in my life of when I lost a baby at 9 1/2 weeks. All the feelings and emotions of that loss came flooding back to me. The scenes of the ER and everything else that happened. My heart is breaking for both of these women. But now my baby has friends to play with in heaven. So that is where my head has been at and why I didn't updated yesterday. So please pray for these women who I am not going to name...but they need comfort and healing that can only come from our Father in Heaven.

What a nightmare that J and I went through last night. J came home to the diaper bag in the middle of the garage where his car is suppose to be. Red's door was open in the van and the garage smelled of lighter fluid. Then he looks a little closer and sees that the glove box was open in the van and things are thrown all over the place. He comes in the house to tell me what happened and to find out what was in the van. The kids and I went to my dad's and gas was 10 cents cheaper there so I filled my van up. I had thrown my wallet on the passenger side and when we left my dad's we had three new blanket that I had thrown on top of my wallet. Well they looked under the blankets and had found my wallet and it was gone, along with a can of lighter fluid J uses for grilling. The fluid was in the garage not the van by the way. So we called the police and made a report. I started calling and canceling credit cards and debit cards. Then J called a few places to put my info on alert in case someone tried to use my info it protects against identity theft. I did not sleep well at all last night. Someone had gone in our garage and our van I felt and still feel very violated. Then this morning the phone rang and it was J's work, someone had found my wallet and saw his business card in it and called. So I have my wallet back and absolutely everything in it. Well except for some change totaling about 75 cents. I went around and talked to the neighbors today to let them know what happened and to see if they saw anything. Most of them were completely shocked and most of them said they leave their garage doors unlocked and same with their cars so it really could of happened to anyone of us. My one neighbors leave their keys in the car with the door unlocked well not anymore and they have been doing that for 40 years. I am just grateful for the person who found my wallet and turned it in.

Today I saw 6:45am which hasn't happened in a long time. We got up and went over to Belinda's house to do laundry while J power washed the house. When we got home at around 12ish our friend Matt came over for a graduation lunch. We had pot roast! Yummy. It was sad saying goodbye but we did give him a present that was too cute. We asked GG what we should give him and she said a book. We asked what kind of book. She said, "A Clifford the big red doggie book." so that is what we got him along with two attached picture frames, do you know what I am talking about? In one frame was a picture of Matt and GG the other with a picture of Matt and Monkey. He liked it. As soon as he left we changed and went to a wake for our friends Grandpa. He was a great man. He will be greatly missed by a lot of people. When we went through the line I took GG up to the casket and explained to her that he is playing in heaven with Jesus. She got the biggest smile on her face and she said, "he's playing with Jesus and having fun." I am not really sure if she understood that he is dead but I don't want to shelter my kids from any part of life, for those of you that are thinking why in the world did they take their child to a wake. We got home around 8pm and made dinner, boy was I hungry. I mean we had a big lunch but I was still hungry. Well I am going to hit the bed and probably do a lot of drooling tonight! I am ok with that because it means that I slept good.