Thursday, July 24, 2008

People Pleaser.

Over the last few months I feel like God is revealing to me an area of my life I need to hand over to him. That area is people pleasing. J has told me several times that I am a chump, meaning that I can't say no when someone asks me for help or to do something. It's true. I completely dislike confrontation and I used to avoid it at all costs but that isn't healthy. I think I have gotten better in that area and sticking up for what I know is right.

Moving along, yesterday I got a phone call from my mom asking me for help with her kids. My first thought was sure I'll come and watch them for a week. But I didn't say that because I wasn't in front of my calendar and I needed to talk to J and make sure that I was available for the week. All day long I was thinking about taking the 4 kids to my mom's to watch her 8 and 10 year old. Different things jumped out at me as being obstacles and struggles if I chose to babysit for her. I was thinking of different ways I could make it work for all of us and me not being a basket case by the end of the week, because I wanted to please her with a yes answer. After talking to a few people and praying about it I decided that I was not going to be able to do it. Here is my problem. I don't want to upset my mom by telling her no so I didn't want to call her and was waiting for her to call me. After talking to J more about it and praying more I decided that I needed to call her right away and tell her my answer, that way she could try and get someone else, as they are planning on leaving this weekend, me being the first person they asked. I feel like that was a huge step for me because everything in me just didn't want to talk to her for fear I would disappoint her. Even after getting off the phone I felt like I let her down. Then I was reminded that it isn't my responsibility to make her happy or take care of her kids on short notice. I love my mom to death and I want her to be happy but I just really can't watch 6 kids ages 10 yrs to 10 months for a whole week by myself. I'm really not super women.

9 comments:

Sandra said...

It's okay not to be super woman. Really. Hang in there, I am so proud of you for making the call quickly knowing you had the answer, and were consider of her needs. I know it appears you can do everything as Mommi, but the truth is we all have limits. Keep balanced, keep prayerful, keep making baby steps...

Michelle @ Sew-Krafty said...

I'm so proud of you! And, now that you've said no, it will be easier the next time you have to do it. I was (and am) a please others at all costs person...well, not at all costs, because when I realized what it was costing my marriage, I learned real quick!

sarahgrace said...

Oh, I am soooo there with you! I am a major people pleaser, hate confrontation, always worrying about everybody else. I call it making myself responsible for other people's happiness. God is definitely working on this with me too. I'm often handed situations where I've had to learn to confront and say no, and stick up for myself. It's hard to let go of the guilt- but it can be done! Yay for us! And I'm proud of you for saying no, too! Give yourself permission to not feel guilty!

Kristin said...

eeks! Tough situations/decisions! Hope it works out for you and your mom!

Diva's Thoughts said...

Oh my goodness! Every word you just wrote describes me to a T! I am the exact same way.

houseofeling said...

you did the right thing. How do I know this? You prayed about it.

Ann(ie) said...

GOOD for you. It is hard to turn your loved ones down especially, but you have to be realistic. It's so easy to get WAY TOO MUCH on our plates!!

Anonymous said...

I am a frequent passer-by of your blog and I just wanted to say that you did the right thing. You have enough to do with your own kids and though it was hard, you had to think of your family first, your priority! I am a people pleaser too and it is hard to say no. Hang in there!

Wendy in Baltimore

Anonymous said...

Good job in sticking up for yourself! I have a hard time saying no too.